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karohemdSomething that should have been on TV in Shaun of the Dead. I had this idea while brushing
my teeth this morning:
Sir David Attenborough is crouched behind a bush, wearing urban cammo. He turns around and
whispers into the camera:
"Here, in the sleepy suburb of Crouch End, are the hunting grounds of the Common Zombie.
Very little is known about these creatures, their habitat, diet and mating habits so we're
here to find out. We hope to record never before seen footage for the generations to come."
Attenborough turns again and moves two branches of the bush in front of him.
"Look, there are two of them now. A male and a female to be precise."
The camera moves through the gap in the bush showing two zombies with blood-smeared faces
and clothing, one tall female with long hair and glasses and a shorter mail with floppy,
blood-caked hair and glasses, slowly stumbling towards the bush.
While the camera is filming, Attenborough continues:
"Driven only by their base instincts, these pitiful creatures shamble seemingly aimlessly
until they find a hapless victim. Look, they seem to have spotted something and are moving
towards our position. Let's be really quiet now."
For a while, the only sound is the whirring of the camera, the groaning of the zombies and
traffic further away. The two undead shamble towards the camera, take a half turn to the
right and fall into the bushes next to the camera.
Still whispering matter-of-factly, Attenborough comments: "One ... of the zombies ... has
grabbed me ... by ... the arms ... as I ... *ngh* ... attempt to struggle free ... he
*ggnng* bites my neck ... which is quite ... a painful experience..."
The camera shakes wildly, suddenly a huge, out of focus close-up of a horrible face is
visible and then the picture clouds over as a blood spatter covers the lens completely. The
screams are cut short as a BBC2 "Please stand by for more information" screen replaces the
bloodied camera picture.
my teeth this morning:
Sir David Attenborough is crouched behind a bush, wearing urban cammo. He turns around and
whispers into the camera:
"Here, in the sleepy suburb of Crouch End, are the hunting grounds of the Common Zombie.
Very little is known about these creatures, their habitat, diet and mating habits so we're
here to find out. We hope to record never before seen footage for the generations to come."
Attenborough turns again and moves two branches of the bush in front of him.
"Look, there are two of them now. A male and a female to be precise."
The camera moves through the gap in the bush showing two zombies with blood-smeared faces
and clothing, one tall female with long hair and glasses and a shorter mail with floppy,
blood-caked hair and glasses, slowly stumbling towards the bush.
While the camera is filming, Attenborough continues:
"Driven only by their base instincts, these pitiful creatures shamble seemingly aimlessly
until they find a hapless victim. Look, they seem to have spotted something and are moving
towards our position. Let's be really quiet now."
For a while, the only sound is the whirring of the camera, the groaning of the zombies and
traffic further away. The two undead shamble towards the camera, take a half turn to the
right and fall into the bushes next to the camera.
Still whispering matter-of-factly, Attenborough comments: "One ... of the zombies ... has
grabbed me ... by ... the arms ... as I ... *ngh* ... attempt to struggle free ... he
*ggnng* bites my neck ... which is quite ... a painful experience..."
The camera shakes wildly, suddenly a huge, out of focus close-up of a horrible face is
visible and then the picture clouds over as a blood spatter covers the lens completely. The
screams are cut short as a BBC2 "Please stand by for more information" screen replaces the
bloodied camera picture.
