[Memery] Zombie Apocalypse Now

[karohemd]

(from dragonsire)

The zombie apocalypse begins - NOW! Whenever you read this, whatever you are doing at this moment - that's when you learn zombies are real, they are in your town, & sooner or later, they are coming for you. What do you do?

The rules:

You are yourself as you are at this moment. You are wearing the clothes you are wearing right now, you are at work, school, home, or wherever you are right now, and you have available to you only the items at your location as they are right now & that you can reasonably acquire. I.e., you can't knock out the desk guard & steal his pistol unless your office has armed security & you reasonably could get a gun away from one of them without getting killed or incapacitated yourself.

You are not superhuman. You can only do things you can physically do - if you failed P.E. & haven't set foot in a gym in 10 years, you are not going to be climbing down elevator shafts or sprinting 15 blocks home. Even accounting for adrenaline, you are as susceptible to fatigue, injury, & illness as you normally are.

You have only the knowledge you have right now. I.e., no saying "I go to the janitor's closet & mix ammonia with jelly beans to produce napalm" unless you actually know the ingredients, proper proportions, directions, & use of homemade napalm.

These rules also apply to all friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc. No fair inventing an ex-Green Beret uncle unless you actually have one.

The zombies are slow-moving & stupid. They cannot communicate - except to attract other zombies to prey by moaning. They do not plan or coordinate actions. They can only be stopped by destroying the brain stem or being vaporized - other injuries may impair or slow them, but don't stop them. Zombification is spread by bite or scratch. Once infected, you weaken, sicken, & die within hours, then rise as a zombie. No one knows how the zombie plague began, or whether zombies are truly the living dead or infected by some bizarre plague. There is no cure or vaccine against zombification.

Variables like probable traffic jams, alternate routes, places of refuge, utilities, panic & chaos, etc., I leave to your judgment & knowledge of your own community, but in general I'd assume normal zombie-movie conditions - looting, car crashes, confusion, ineffective initial police & military response, etc., as the zombie panic spreads.

What do you do? What are your chances of short-term survival? Long-term survival?

ETA: Some of you lot scare me! ;o)

Comments

[mr-malk.livejournal.com]

Folk seem to have the zombie issue fairly well covered, and probably zombies have never heard of where I live, but for the record:

1. Boil kettle (not for offensive purposes, just for coffee).


2. Put on Big Boots & Bike Leathers. Maybe helmet if feeling really threatened.


3. Get axe and pick axe from outhouse.


4. Get cricket bat from box in study.


5. If coast is clear, go to garage and get large pieces of wood.


6. Run bath, to ensure supply of drinkable water if mains are cut off.


7. If coast is still clear, nip to corner shop to stock up on munchies and caffienated drinks. Lighter fluid or anything else offensive looking also, if there's any in stock.


8. Oh, and lots of vodka... damned if I'm turning my single malt collection into molotov cocktails!


9. Take step ladders upstairs and break bathroom skylight, so that I have access to the (flat) roof in an emergency. No, scratch that. Leave a hammer nearby, but don't break it unless I want out.


10. Wear a bandana. Just because I like the whole axe, bike leathers and bandana look. Brief pause to pout at myself in the mirror to raise my morale.


11. Lock and Block ground floor doors and windows with furniture and wood from garage.


12. Go upstairs. Place large sofa. where it can easily be used to jam the stairs if needed.


13. Retrieve large kitchen knives & steel. Sharpen knives.


14. Get rope from cupboard, check it will reach ground from roof height. Knot sheets if not.


15. Prepare Molotov cocktails. Mix with washing up liquid if we have enough to make it stick to target better.


16. Take matches upstairs. Ensure torches have plenty of batteries.


17. Get cans of hairspray out, just in case.


18. Retreat upstairs, pour myself a whisky, turn on Radio 4 (quietly), and keep lights off. Check front & rear windows regularly, but trying not to be seen from the street.


19. Tell the kids to be quiet or they get eaten by zombies.

Short to medium term chances good. If crisis unresolved after a week or two, would need to reconsider plan of action.